We can't all be astronauts or ballerinas or firemen or doctors.
They never tell you that sometimes you can't grow up to be something you want to be. And after you do grow up, they never tell you there's more to it all.
Struggling day after day, trying to myself a piece of mind. What is it that I should be doing now? What am I building myself towards? When I grow up, I want to be a pop star. Now that I've grown up, I know better than to try to pursue such a low-reward, high risk endeavor. At least, not to the extent of what my childhood fantasies warrant.
So, now. What did you want to be when you grew up again? Because I think growing up has come and gone, and now you really need to figure out where you are going. Growing up doesn't stop until you're old, and the question arises: Where are you now, and where are you going to be?
24 years have come and gone, 5 years of childhood, 12 years in school, spent on trying to fit in, reading scripts and singing songs in the studio, filling fraying notebook after notebook with introspective scrawls, poetry, and song. 6 years in the states spent finding myself, growing up, learning to love myself for who I am. Several internships, an associate producer at a news station, and now starting year #2 at a government job. Looks fulfilling on paper; college seems like eons ago. So now at 24, where am I headed?
I could focus on my career; get to a GS level 14 before I'm 30. That would be nice. Look good on my resume, give my mom something else to gush about. I'd be proud of myself, eventually work towards a managerial position. I know I can do it.
But somehow, that's not enough for me. I want extraordinary. I want a full sense of accomplishment, like I did something big. Getting a job promo is big, but not in the way I want it. I know what it'll take: Getting a book published. Getting a screenplay published. Getting signed to a record label [although that seems to bring more problems than it solves]
Chipping away at the novel I'm writing, a brainless, entertaining piece of fluff that is no where near trying to be the next great American Novel; no one ever tells you how hard it is to write these things. An hour will roll by, and I'll have barely written a paragraph. At this rate, this book will be finished when I'm 30. And this screenplay. Never had any experience with writing screenplays; not a full one anyways, and the film I made for Summer fellows my senior year in college had a pretty awful script. Maybe as a musical, it'll be less awful.
I'm just sick of ideas I have never being put into action. Those that take action are the ones that accomplish things.
Why do I feel like I've accomplished so little? What am I trying to prove, and to who?
Struggling day after day, trying to myself a piece of mind. What is it that I should be doing now? What am I building myself towards? When I grow up, I want to be a pop star. Now that I've grown up, I know better than to try to pursue such a low-reward, high risk endeavor. At least, not to the extent of what my childhood fantasies warrant.
So, now. What did you want to be when you grew up again? Because I think growing up has come and gone, and now you really need to figure out where you are going. Growing up doesn't stop until you're old, and the question arises: Where are you now, and where are you going to be?
24 years have come and gone, 5 years of childhood, 12 years in school, spent on trying to fit in, reading scripts and singing songs in the studio, filling fraying notebook after notebook with introspective scrawls, poetry, and song. 6 years in the states spent finding myself, growing up, learning to love myself for who I am. Several internships, an associate producer at a news station, and now starting year #2 at a government job. Looks fulfilling on paper; college seems like eons ago. So now at 24, where am I headed?
I could focus on my career; get to a GS level 14 before I'm 30. That would be nice. Look good on my resume, give my mom something else to gush about. I'd be proud of myself, eventually work towards a managerial position. I know I can do it.
But somehow, that's not enough for me. I want extraordinary. I want a full sense of accomplishment, like I did something big. Getting a job promo is big, but not in the way I want it. I know what it'll take: Getting a book published. Getting a screenplay published. Getting signed to a record label [although that seems to bring more problems than it solves]
Chipping away at the novel I'm writing, a brainless, entertaining piece of fluff that is no where near trying to be the next great American Novel; no one ever tells you how hard it is to write these things. An hour will roll by, and I'll have barely written a paragraph. At this rate, this book will be finished when I'm 30. And this screenplay. Never had any experience with writing screenplays; not a full one anyways, and the film I made for Summer fellows my senior year in college had a pretty awful script. Maybe as a musical, it'll be less awful.
I'm just sick of ideas I have never being put into action. Those that take action are the ones that accomplish things.
Why do I feel like I've accomplished so little? What am I trying to prove, and to who?
